I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
