Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
