and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
