Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
