I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
