If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
