i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
