I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
