The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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