we have officially lost it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
