I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize