I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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