Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just pee around me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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