Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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