I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
try to milk me bitch
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