You're so nebulous sometimes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We need to get me chipped asap
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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