i barfeds in our rink
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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