you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
