I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
