i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
