Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize