Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so let's talk penis.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
