sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
