It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
