I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize