Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
