She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
