Christians are straight up FREAKS
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
