dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You don't make any sense
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