Nicole vs. Life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
