you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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