They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
