you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Your cock deserves a montage
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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