Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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