You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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