Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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