Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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