I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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