I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
