i permit you to call me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
