The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
