i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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