We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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