I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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