So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
