thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
