Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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