I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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