You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
