she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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