i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
