Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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