I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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