You're my little dorito
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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