Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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