So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just forgot I was standing up.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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