you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
