You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
