my mouth tastes like poor choices
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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