hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
