it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
