Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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