I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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