Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i out mim tonsoeep
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