2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
