I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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