Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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