Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize