The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
