well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
