HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
