I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
