shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
