forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The air was thick with penises
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
