dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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