i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
