I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
