Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The air taste purple.
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