I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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