I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
