do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
