Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
handjob tips. give me some.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
