The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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