He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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