i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
