Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
