I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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