I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
