Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
