I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will be naked everywhere
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We are all done wearing pants today
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize