That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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