Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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