there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
