can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
