Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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