Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize