Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
