Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize