i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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