U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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