Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
