so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
