HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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