There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
