i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
