Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it's like iHOP with fire
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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