then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your cock deserves a montage
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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