i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Someone shattered a urinal.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
