Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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