I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
