i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
