That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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