Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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