I'm so fucking centered right now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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