did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize