i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
