So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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