I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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